SHYNESS IS AN INNATE TRAIT
For many people, shyness is a source of embarrassment and discomfort in social situations. Embarrassment and shame are feelings associated with shyness in adults. Shyness manifests as timidity in front of new people or in unexpected social situations. It’s about a person’s initial reaction to being with new people.
A person who is considered shy may be very different, lively, and talkative in the company of familiar people. Shyness can also manifest itself as difficulty expressing emotions in a familiar relationship, whereas a matter-of-fact conversation can go on without shyness. It is not possible to objectively measure shyness; it is always a personal experience.
WHAT IS BEHIND SHYNESS?
Inhibitions and shyness have been found to have a physiological basis. Some people simply have an innate tendency to be shy and reserved. Our environment, in turn, determines the extent to which this tendency is realised. A suitably understanding and supportive atmosphere gives shy people the confidence to act in social situations.
Sometimes, shyness can also be the result of social experiences. Shy people often lack the ability to believe in themselves. This is often the result of unpleasant experiences in their environment. Instead of shyness, this feeling can be called a lack of social confidence and is the result of upbringing. The problem is often constant self-monitoring and the belief that you are the only shy person in the group. You are constantly asking yourself: “What do others think of me?”
THE MANY FACETS OF SHYNESS
Shyness is often associated with many assumptions and misconceptions. For example, it is associated with an unwillingness to be with other people, when the truth may be quite the opposite. A shy person can be social, enjoy the company of others, and have good interaction skills but be shy in new situations.
However, there are also those who are less social and more comfortable on their own. Shyness and boldness are sometimes presented as opposites when they are not.
Shyness can also be equated with poor self-esteem or poor life management, which it is not. Both a shy and less shy person can have high or low self-esteem. Shyness is not synonymous with a lack of courage, cowardice, or nervousness.
SHYNESS CAN ALSO BE A POSITIVE FEATURE
There are also benefits and advantages to being shy. Shy people are seen as more empathetic, pleasant, and trustworthy. Shyness has often been shown to be linked to an ability to perceive the feelings of others and emotional sensitivity, which is an important skill in social interaction.
Sometimes, shyness can lead to behaviour that others misinterpret. A shy person may unintentionally appear arrogant or hostile. They may also try to hide their shyness in sarcastic and critical behaviour, which can falsely create an image of a cold and insensitive person.
SHYNESS DOES NOT NEED TO LIMIT YOUR LIFE
Even if meeting new people makes you nervous, you can learn to act so that shyness doesn’t affect your life significantly. There is no need to get rid of the feeling of shyness, just the behaviour it causes.
It is important that you can understand your own shyness and accept it as part of who you are. As a shy person, you’re probably always nervous about meeting new people. Often, shy people need enough time and opportunities before they feel confident in new social situations. There is nothing wrong with first observing what others are doing in a situation before taking the initiative yourself.
It is important to be patient and understanding with yourself. But as the years go by, you’ll get better and better at dealing with different situations – even if you’re shy.
The important thing would be to break the cycle where you start avoiding all new situations that cause anxiety. It’s easy to fall into this type of solution, as it just feels easier at first to avoid situations where unpleasant feelings arise. However, this is not a good solution in the longer term. Shyness will take on too big a role in your life, and there will be no situations where you can learn to deal with your shyness. Your life will be too limited, and you will miss out on many nice things.
All different kinds of people are needed in, for example, work and studies, and one quality does not make you any worse than another. The important thing is to find the most appropriate ways to cope with different situations, even if you are shy.