What Is Loneliness?

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Everyone experiences loneliness at some point. It is a part of life that affects people of all ages in various life situations. Approximately one in five university students experiences loneliness fairly often or continuously. (Finnish Student Health and Wellbeing Survey, 2024)

Loneliness is a painful emotion that can feel scary or even shameful. Sometimes the experience of loneliness can become prolonged, and one might even get used to it. This can lead to the thought that change is impossible.

However, loneliness does not have to be a permanent feeling; it is possible to influence the experience. Often, support is needed to initiate change, and it is worth utilizing: you don’t have to cope alone.

What is the difference between loneliness and solitude?

Most commonly, loneliness is perceived as a lack of close people. On the other hand, even those who seem to be surrounded by many people can experience painful emotional loneliness—the feeling of lacking intimate relationships. Social loneliness, in turn, occurs when loneliness is linked to the lack of a social network or the feeling of not belonging to any group.

Solitude is different from loneliness. No one voluntarily chooses to experience loneliness, whereas solitude can be a personal choice and empowering.

All humans have a need to belong and connect with others, but also a need for privacy and independence. The balance between these needs varies from person to person. It is important to recognize your own needs and find the balance between social interaction and solitude that works for you.

Many who experience loneliness may feel a conflict between these needs. You might enjoy being alone, yet simultaneously long for companionship and connection. This is normal; you are allowed to enjoy solitude while still having the right to meaningful relationships.

What Factors Influence Loneliness?

There is no single cause or explanation for loneliness. The paths to loneliness are highly individual, and everyone’s experience is unique.

Life transitions

We may experience loneliness when our life situation changes. Loneliness is often heightened in the lives of young adults when several major transitions occur simultaneously, such as:

• Gaining independence from parents and the childhood home.
• Starting studies.
• Moving away from home and transitioning to a new student environment.

Entering a new phase of life brings many challenges. Taking responsibility for one's own life can feel daunting, and uncertainty about the future can cause worry.

Living alone can deepen the experience of loneliness. Many students live by themselves. There are already over 260,000 people under the age of 29 living alone in Finland, a number that has been growing since 2010. (Statistics Finland 2024)

Other life changes also play a role. Feelings of loneliness can be intensified by a breakup or long-term singlehood. Some may experience loneliness when starting a new relationship, moving in together, getting married, or having children. Changing one's field of study or career is also a major shift. Furthermore, personal illness or the loss of a loved one can trigger or deepen the experience of loneliness.

Student culture and independent study

Studies often emphasize individual achievement and independent work. The pressure to manage everything alone is high for university students.

In many fields, there isn't a single cohesive study group like in primary or secondary school. A third of students do not feel they belong to any group related to their studies. (The Finnish Student Health and Wellbeing Survey 2024).

Not everyone feels that traditional student culture meets their needs. In particular, substance use can be a divisive factor, and many students do not wish to attend events where alcohol is central. Finding like-minded people on campus can feel difficult if the diverse needs and life situations of students are not sufficiently considered.

Developing interaction skills

The cycle of loneliness can lead to very little or no interaction with others. Communication skills can become "rusty" if they aren't used. This is natural, as any skill requires practice to maintain.

However, we all possess interaction skills. Often, "good" skills are thought of as being witty, good at small talk, or talkative. In reality, listening, asking for help, conflict resolution, and empathy are also vital skills.

Non-verbal communication—smiling, making eye contact, and positive gestures—also matters. Sometimes it's good to observe your own presence: are you open to conversation, or are you signaling withdrawal behind a phone or headphones?

Remember that sometimes the feeling of inadequate social skills is actually a sign of being too self-critical. Perfectionism can make even a small mistake feel massive. It is helpful to pay attention to how you fundamentally view yourself and others.

Bullying

Being bullied can make it difficult to make friends even in adulthood. Bullying often leaves deep wounds and makes it hard to trust people even after the bullying has stopped.

Experiences of being left out feel painful and can lead to cynicism or disbelief that making friends is possible. A person who has been bullied may blame themselves and believe they aren't "good enough" for anyone's friendship. If these wounds are deep, it is worth seeking professional help, such as from a psychologist.

Childhood experiences

If a child did not experience enough closeness or was often rejected, forming close friendships as an adult can be difficult. A safe experience of being alone in childhood is necessary to view solitude as a positive force later in life.

The model for friendship is built on childhood experiences. If one didn't see a model for creating and maintaining friendships, it can be hard to build them as an adult. For example, a parent's loneliness can affect a child's readiness for social relationships.

Personality traits, e.g., shyness

People are born with different temperaments. Many students feel that the "different pace" of student life is a challenge. It can be hard to get to know others in fast-paced events if you need more time to observe the situation first. It is important to accept your own temperament.

A shy person does not need to become "more social." Instead, they can consider natural ways to make contact. Online interaction can sometimes make it easier to share feelings. Preparation, such as thinking of questions to start a conversation, can also help. Shyness is a resource; shy people are often perceived as more empathetic, pleasant, and reliable.

Minority status

Belonging to a minority (based on culture, language, sexuality, gender, ethnicity, or disability) can expose a student to prejudice, exclusion, and discrimination.

It can be difficult to find safe spaces to be oneself. "Minority stress"—the stress of potentially being treated poorly or facing structural barriers—can drain the energy needed to participate in social activities.