Aiming for a relationship

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A relationship requires a partner, but finding the right person for yourself is not always easy. However, a potential partner can often be found in places you enjoy and feel comfortable in. We tend to be attracted to people who are like-minded, enjoy similar things, and feel familiar. A shared interest can help break the ice. Love can blossom at first sight—but also through a longer period of getting to know one another. There is no single right way to start a relationship.

Where to Find the Courage to Make the First Move?

Many people who have been single for a long time find getting to know others difficult and intimidating. For some, starting a conversation is easy, but deepening the relationship is more challenging. The fear of rejection can be overwhelming.

A lack of experience can raise the threshold for making the first move and increase feelings of insecurity. If you have little or no dating experience, it can be hard to know how to approach others. But you can't learn connection and initiative from books—experience and learning through trial and error are often the best teachers.

Making the first move can be nerve-wracking and frightening. Asking someone on a date or showing interest always involves the risk of rejection. Often, it can feel easier to wait for the other person to make the first move. But there’s a risk: the person you’re interested in might be just as hesitant to approach you.

You Only Get to Know People Through Interaction

You don’t get to know people just by observing them. By simply watching someone, you can't truly know if you're compatible or what the person is like in a relationship. Watching and admiring someone from afar for too long can actually create illusions that don’t reflect reality. That can lead to living in a fantasy world and make it even harder to take the first step.

A date doesn’t always lead to something more. Either person may realize they're not actually interested in the other—even the one who suggested the date.

Learn to tolerate rejection

The courage to face rejection and failure is essential when getting to know people. It's important to learn how to handle being turned down. Rejection isn't always about the one being rejected; sometimes the timing is off, the person is already in a relationship, or has just gone through a breakup. And sometimes, despite our hopes, the chemistry just isn’t there.

The more often you take the risk and express your feelings, the more likely it is that eventually someone will respond positively. Being turned down can happen for many reasons that have nothing to do with your worth or actions. Getting rejected doesn’t mean you’re not good enough. Even when feelings aren’t mutual, people are often flattered to know they’re seen as attractive or interesting.

Dating – Be Yourself

You can arrange a date at a café, movie theater, or restaurant. Doing something together, like bowling, ice skating, or going for a walk, can help ease nervousness.

Tips for a date:

• Choose an outfit that makes you feel comfortable.
• Arrive on time.
• Be polite and positive. Listen, nod, and show interest.
• Make eye contact while speaking.
• Even if you run out of topics, a smile shows that you like the other person.
• Be yourself as much as possible. When you openly share your interests and have a positive attitude toward yourself, it's easier for others to like you.
• You can think ahead about questions to ask your date and how much you want to share about yourself.
• Remember that being nervous is natural—it shows the meeting is important to you.
• It’s important to share something about your life, interests, or dreams. However, revealing very personal or deep things on the first few dates can overwhelm the other person. The right balance is usually found through experience and practice.

In some cultures, it’s expected that the man pays for both. In Finland, dating practices are often based on equality, and both usually pay for themselves. If you want, you can offer to cover the cost. Such a gesture is often taken as a pleasant surprise. Still, offering to pay does not obligate the other person to commit to a relationship.

Tips for Places to Meet a Partner

A dating partner—and thus a relationship—can be found through friends or acquaintances. Friends of friends are often worth getting to know, as they are more likely to share similar interests than complete strangers. So attend parties your friends organize or go out with your friend group.

You can also meet a partner through hobbies. People with similar interests often spend time in places you enjoy yourself. Shared activities provide common topics to talk about and fun things to do together.

Visit places where the gender ratio may work in your favor. If you’re looking for a man, consider where men usually spend their free time. If you’re looking for a woman, think about events women typically enjoy.

Attend events aimed at students. There are many student hobby groups and activities where you can meet and spend time with other students.

There are many different ways to find a dating partner. Use your imagination—join new events, activities, and gatherings. Trust yourself and your personality. You can attract someone interesting in many ways. Just being yourself is enough.